i'm a lover, not a fighter.

okay. so i realise it has been nearly a month since i have last posted, and for that i'm sorry. i used to consider going a week without writing as neglection, but now...yea. but i'm back!

it's already the last day of january, which is semi insanity. I've never been a huge fan of January, i'm sort of psyched for february though. :) and valentines day. even though i don't have a specific valentine, i dunno. i still just like the holiday.

so the news is that i'm not in fact going to india, which yes is kinda really disappointing. but. i can't get it out of my head. every other minute i'm sitting there dreaming about india. i zone out in school thinking about going there. so i have come to the conclusion that after i graduate from highschool i'm going to go there and do some kind of meditation for a few weeks, and maybe find somewhere to volunteer. i just want to explore. so now it's on my bucket list.

in other news, i found my newest favorite band. i can't even begin to explain how amazing they are to me. i mean, if i tried, which i won't, i would sound like any other teen boy band obsessed girl. but, honestly. in essence, thats basically the gist of it :) they're called This Century. and i'm in freakin love. theyre this type of music that, honestly, you would have to be crazy to dislike. so seriously, whoever reads this, please, please. look them up. for me...and obviously you. they're absolutely amazing, i don't understand how they aren't one of the biggest bands out there. yet, i love it when the music i listen to isnt what others listen to neccessarily. so anyway.

so, yea. i haven't been doing too much interesting of late, although in the past week i hung out with a friend i haven't seen lately and also hung out and bonded with two of my close friends, which were both awesome. i've been essentially in a pretty constant good mood this past month, which is amazing. i'm kind of getting a little stir crazy though, i want it to be spring so badly. i feel like i'm spending way too much time inside, although it's not exactly optimal weather outside. i want the sun and the warmth; i can't wait. only a few more months.

anyway i realise this is definitely not the most interesting post in the whole world, but i just figured i couldn't neglect this any longer. so...next post will be better. i promise.

until february,

xx

{emma}

I know you feel it too, these words get overused.

She breathes in and out, facing forward, staring at the time racing by her, past her, and all she can do is try and live in every second. has she changed? is it that one, crucial second that makes the inevitable come to a stop? or is it the vast span of neverending seconds that become, consume, define who she is? only the always running clock, no matter how hard time tries to escape from its fate of passing, can tell.

i can't believe it's a new year already. how is it that 2010 seemed to go by faster than a single heartbeat? yet, so many amazing things happened. everything i have ever blogged about happened in 2010. so much, unbelievable has happened. i wonder if i have changed. i probably have, even if its just that my cells are now new. anyway, i'm ready for a new year i think. i am sort of nostalgic for 2010, but i'm ready for new :)

i've been pretty sick the last few days, came down with it thursday night, but i had to got to school friday because i had two tests. i shouldnt have, i couldnt swallow, and my head was pounding and hazy. i haven't felt that bad in a while. i was walking down the halls and all of the sudden everything started moving much slower than normal, i felt like i was in a dream, and everything seemed like i was watching it from someone elses eyes, but i wasn't really there. i think i was delirious. i made it through, actually thanks to my friends, they sort of saved me. anyway i went home and slept for a long time, and now i am on the mend. thankfully.

in other {really exciting} news, i might be going to india in a few weeks! yep, i am absolutely phsyched. and really anxious to know. i would go with my dance troupe, and we would compete in the indian version of So You Think You Can Dance. i know. so. amazing :) basically a few members of my troupe went to an audition for it a few weeks ago and the judges loved them, and said they were interested in having them come and compete in india, so my teacher told them that there was an entire troupe and they were interested in all of us. in essence, if we went, they would pay for us all to go to india, compete and dance in front of 200 million+ people, for a minimum of two weeks, maximum of three months. its probably unlikely, but still. keep your fingers crossed for me. imagine...it would be unbelievable.

so, anyways, thats my current news. oh, also, i finally saw inception. finally. and, yes, just as everyone said it was confusing, but honestly, i understood it all. it wasnt that confusing. but i do have to say that whoever came up with the story is one of the most brilliant and imaginative minds out there. i wish i could be that brilliant myself.

until later,

xx

{emma}

She fights for her life on a train.

the beach was amazing.

the rain is absolutely beautiful. and so, as i continue to realize, is life. i mean, no matter what, good will come. even if its so small, miniscule, as a dream.

i have been having these really strange, intricate dreams lately. i almost never sleep without dreams, which i'm not sure is all together normal. yet what is normal anyway? its just odd, my brain must be hyperactive because of all the sugar i have been consuming in the past few weeks. and the thing is, when i wake up, i sort of feel like i haven't actually slept that much because it's like i've been truly living the dreams. i wish i could remember them completely.

christmas was amazing. sometimes i forget how truly lucky i am to have the family i have, as well as the friends. i mean, when i think about it i wouldnt ask for really anything to change. i mean small things, sure, but doesnt every family have flaws? also, among the things i got, i also got a tie dye kit, which i am pretty phsyched about. i'm going to look like the total hippie now with all my soon to be tiedyed clothes. i also got Across the Universe, which i love for some reason, and a beautiful glass necklace. the other thing about my family is that my extended family is absolutely huge; i have about twenty cousins and around twenty or twenty five aunts and uncles, as well as my grandparents, who nearly all live really nearby, so i always end up getting alot more presents than most, which is wonderful but i also end up feeling a bit guilty about. i suppose that cant really be helped though. i'm just grateful.

after christmas me and one of my closest friends got together and played music, watched movies and tv shows and ate pie. it was really fun, and it was also generally more productive than our usual gettogethers. then the next day me and two of my other close friends had a sleepover and made cookies, watched movies and just talked. i dunno why, but sometimes the talking is the best thing that happens. it's just really...enjoyable. i'm not sure why, but anyways.

then today me and my mom, dad, and brother went to the beach. it was absolutely freezing, windy, but it was still beautiful. there were these hanggliders there, it looked like so much fun. i think that might have to go on my bucket list, hanggliding. it looks amazing.

and i have discovered/rediscovered my current favorite band. the dead weather. its jack white...{of course}. and three other people, the other singer is a woman who has a crazy good voice. ah it's amazing. i could listen to it for hours.
alright well tomorrow is the last day of the year. hard to believe, seriously. until soon.
xx
{emma}

Everyone has a skeleton, a closet to keep it in.

only until the earth freezes over will my love for you stay. then, it will grow exponentially.

nearly christmas! i am incredibly excited. and it is sunny for once, although i have a feeling it wont be on christmas. i dont think i will mind too much, honestly. i do wish it would snow though. last year it snowed for a few minutes, and obviously more than a few minutes would be amazing, but still. even that worth is sort of beautiful.

until later.

xx

{emma}

i believe in you even if you don't believe in me.

finals. are. over.

i am kind of completely phsyched. for christmas, for new years, for sleep, for hanging out, for music sessions, for everything. just pushing certain things behind me, living for now.

not much else interesting has occured since my last post, i wish something had. we changed seats in my math class and this guy started creeping on me. he kept touching my hair, and moving my desk around. i swear i wanted to freaking slap him. i think that might have been frowned upon though. anyways this other guy finally said i could change seats with him so i did, and he slapped him for me. that made me kind of happy...karma right? but anyway.
i also saw the tourist today with two of my friends. i know it got kind of bad reviews but i actually liked it, although it was a bit predictable. and the fact that johnny depp was in it at all just automatically made it at least three stars, without even have seen the movie at all.

and i got a christmas tree, which i adore. the holidays make me happy. as do christmas lights.

also musically, i rediscovered Mumford and Sons and Kadawatha recently...i kind of adore both. if you get a chance...look them up.

i wish i had more to say, but life just isnt terribly exciting of late. now that i am on break though, i will actually have time to do interesting things.

and new years. i dont know how i will take it yet. i do know that i dont want to forget this year. ever. the little moments, even the ones that came to nothing. even them.

i still believe in them.

xx

{emma}

The leaves are the last remainders of our summer.

happy thanksgiving everyone:) my thanksgiving hasnt been entirely exciting yet, but in a few hours its bound to get even better. not to say its been bad so far, it hasnt. sleeping in, conversations with friends, making of a friendship bracelet, reading of harry potter, critiquing of pie, finding amazing pants on ebay, and a random text from a stranger wishing me a happy thanksgiving. i would say its not so very bad. and the prospect of pie, and all the other food is keeping me happy. and i love this weather. i have come to the conclusion in my head that the combination of the colors and the temperatures make it my favorite time of year. its so beautiful. you might be able to tell i am in a happy mood right now...its the pie.

so. anyway, have fun eating turkey. or, since its the awesome hippy town i live in, tofurkey.

xx

{emma}

i told myself i had let go, but now i know it's just a lie.

i find it strange that i have gone this far into november without writing. im not sure why it's happening like this.

so a lot has happened i suppose, over the past few weeks. one of the biggest things was that i sang. in front of an audience. of about fifty people. a performance, really. it was for my singing lessons, we each have to perform a few songs, and friends and family and such can come and hear us. anyway, it was evening and raining, and we drove down to this little cafe near my house, which i adore. two of my best friends came, which was amazing. i adore them too. i would have invited all of my friends, but i couldnt. anyway, i wasnt nervous at all. even when the pickup on my guitar got messed up, and my teacher made me start over because the guitar was too loud. i felt so present. it was the best feeling ever. and i got completely immersed, when i looked up everyone was with me. i think i did a fairly good job. even when i was done and walked off with the pickup still attached to my guitar and everyone had to call me back before i broke it off. even then. it was wonderful to receive compliments, which honestly were a lot, not to be vain. i was even offered guitar lessons, a babysitting job for the most adorable girl, and the name of an agent in LA. guitar lessons, and babysitting job? definitely. agent in LA? maybe someday. but for now, i'm happy where i am.

and then. me and one of my best friends went and hung out looking for presents for our friend and smelling perfumes and making fun of the really ugly clothes we saw, and then saw Due Date, which i have to say i sort of loved :) anyway it was just one of those days that was just so perfect.

and also, harry potter and the deathly hallows has been out a grand total of two days, and guess how many times i have seen it? yep. twice. :) i know, nerdness, but it's of the best kind. anyway, i wont devote a whole post to it, but just this. it. was. so. amazingly. epic. enough said.

so it's probably not the most interesting post, but still, i feel like it was due. just so it's known i havent dropped off the face of the earth.

and the holidays are coming soon, only a few days till thanksgiving, so i promise i will start up with the writing again, because i will actually have more interesting things to ramble about. but for now, good bye. have a lovely few days, those of you, if any of you, who read this public diary of sorts.

until next,

xx

{emma}