She fights for her life on a train.

the beach was amazing.

the rain is absolutely beautiful. and so, as i continue to realize, is life. i mean, no matter what, good will come. even if its so small, miniscule, as a dream.

i have been having these really strange, intricate dreams lately. i almost never sleep without dreams, which i'm not sure is all together normal. yet what is normal anyway? its just odd, my brain must be hyperactive because of all the sugar i have been consuming in the past few weeks. and the thing is, when i wake up, i sort of feel like i haven't actually slept that much because it's like i've been truly living the dreams. i wish i could remember them completely.

christmas was amazing. sometimes i forget how truly lucky i am to have the family i have, as well as the friends. i mean, when i think about it i wouldnt ask for really anything to change. i mean small things, sure, but doesnt every family have flaws? also, among the things i got, i also got a tie dye kit, which i am pretty phsyched about. i'm going to look like the total hippie now with all my soon to be tiedyed clothes. i also got Across the Universe, which i love for some reason, and a beautiful glass necklace. the other thing about my family is that my extended family is absolutely huge; i have about twenty cousins and around twenty or twenty five aunts and uncles, as well as my grandparents, who nearly all live really nearby, so i always end up getting alot more presents than most, which is wonderful but i also end up feeling a bit guilty about. i suppose that cant really be helped though. i'm just grateful.

after christmas me and one of my closest friends got together and played music, watched movies and tv shows and ate pie. it was really fun, and it was also generally more productive than our usual gettogethers. then the next day me and two of my other close friends had a sleepover and made cookies, watched movies and just talked. i dunno why, but sometimes the talking is the best thing that happens. it's just really...enjoyable. i'm not sure why, but anyways.

then today me and my mom, dad, and brother went to the beach. it was absolutely freezing, windy, but it was still beautiful. there were these hanggliders there, it looked like so much fun. i think that might have to go on my bucket list, hanggliding. it looks amazing.

and i have discovered/rediscovered my current favorite band. the dead weather. its jack white...{of course}. and three other people, the other singer is a woman who has a crazy good voice. ah it's amazing. i could listen to it for hours.
alright well tomorrow is the last day of the year. hard to believe, seriously. until soon.
xx
{emma}

Everyone has a skeleton, a closet to keep it in.

only until the earth freezes over will my love for you stay. then, it will grow exponentially.

nearly christmas! i am incredibly excited. and it is sunny for once, although i have a feeling it wont be on christmas. i dont think i will mind too much, honestly. i do wish it would snow though. last year it snowed for a few minutes, and obviously more than a few minutes would be amazing, but still. even that worth is sort of beautiful.

until later.

xx

{emma}

i believe in you even if you don't believe in me.

finals. are. over.

i am kind of completely phsyched. for christmas, for new years, for sleep, for hanging out, for music sessions, for everything. just pushing certain things behind me, living for now.

not much else interesting has occured since my last post, i wish something had. we changed seats in my math class and this guy started creeping on me. he kept touching my hair, and moving my desk around. i swear i wanted to freaking slap him. i think that might have been frowned upon though. anyways this other guy finally said i could change seats with him so i did, and he slapped him for me. that made me kind of happy...karma right? but anyway.
i also saw the tourist today with two of my friends. i know it got kind of bad reviews but i actually liked it, although it was a bit predictable. and the fact that johnny depp was in it at all just automatically made it at least three stars, without even have seen the movie at all.

and i got a christmas tree, which i adore. the holidays make me happy. as do christmas lights.

also musically, i rediscovered Mumford and Sons and Kadawatha recently...i kind of adore both. if you get a chance...look them up.

i wish i had more to say, but life just isnt terribly exciting of late. now that i am on break though, i will actually have time to do interesting things.

and new years. i dont know how i will take it yet. i do know that i dont want to forget this year. ever. the little moments, even the ones that came to nothing. even them.

i still believe in them.

xx

{emma}

The leaves are the last remainders of our summer.

happy thanksgiving everyone:) my thanksgiving hasnt been entirely exciting yet, but in a few hours its bound to get even better. not to say its been bad so far, it hasnt. sleeping in, conversations with friends, making of a friendship bracelet, reading of harry potter, critiquing of pie, finding amazing pants on ebay, and a random text from a stranger wishing me a happy thanksgiving. i would say its not so very bad. and the prospect of pie, and all the other food is keeping me happy. and i love this weather. i have come to the conclusion in my head that the combination of the colors and the temperatures make it my favorite time of year. its so beautiful. you might be able to tell i am in a happy mood right now...its the pie.

so. anyway, have fun eating turkey. or, since its the awesome hippy town i live in, tofurkey.

xx

{emma}

i told myself i had let go, but now i know it's just a lie.

i find it strange that i have gone this far into november without writing. im not sure why it's happening like this.

so a lot has happened i suppose, over the past few weeks. one of the biggest things was that i sang. in front of an audience. of about fifty people. a performance, really. it was for my singing lessons, we each have to perform a few songs, and friends and family and such can come and hear us. anyway, it was evening and raining, and we drove down to this little cafe near my house, which i adore. two of my best friends came, which was amazing. i adore them too. i would have invited all of my friends, but i couldnt. anyway, i wasnt nervous at all. even when the pickup on my guitar got messed up, and my teacher made me start over because the guitar was too loud. i felt so present. it was the best feeling ever. and i got completely immersed, when i looked up everyone was with me. i think i did a fairly good job. even when i was done and walked off with the pickup still attached to my guitar and everyone had to call me back before i broke it off. even then. it was wonderful to receive compliments, which honestly were a lot, not to be vain. i was even offered guitar lessons, a babysitting job for the most adorable girl, and the name of an agent in LA. guitar lessons, and babysitting job? definitely. agent in LA? maybe someday. but for now, i'm happy where i am.

and then. me and one of my best friends went and hung out looking for presents for our friend and smelling perfumes and making fun of the really ugly clothes we saw, and then saw Due Date, which i have to say i sort of loved :) anyway it was just one of those days that was just so perfect.

and also, harry potter and the deathly hallows has been out a grand total of two days, and guess how many times i have seen it? yep. twice. :) i know, nerdness, but it's of the best kind. anyway, i wont devote a whole post to it, but just this. it. was. so. amazingly. epic. enough said.

so it's probably not the most interesting post, but still, i feel like it was due. just so it's known i havent dropped off the face of the earth.

and the holidays are coming soon, only a few days till thanksgiving, so i promise i will start up with the writing again, because i will actually have more interesting things to ramble about. but for now, good bye. have a lovely few days, those of you, if any of you, who read this public diary of sorts.

until next,

xx

{emma}

i'm your forgotten juliet.

your rain is my tears. there's a lot isn't there?

well hello. it's been so long since i've written...its strange. so much has happened, but at the same time nearly nothing has happened, so i won't bother to write it all down.

it's been raining alot lately, which i love. there's something about the rain that's so sad, yet it makes me feel just really there. just here on the earth, a tiny little speck in the universe. i don't know, maybe too deep. but it definitely makes me feel.

and tomorrow's halloween. i'm sort of excited, although for once the rain might be a bad thing. the problem is that there's school the next day, which is kinda messed up to me. but anyway. it'll still be fun.

saw paranormal activity 2 yesterday. its weird because its the kind of movie, that yea, made me jump a few times, even when i knew it was coming, but it wasnt that scary in the theaters. but then after, that when it got sort of scary. and plus with the addition of a rainy night before halloween, well. also, i've never realized before how much i hate it when people laugh at parts in movies that are so obviously not funny. which a few of my friends were. though what can i do, it was still fun. i wouldn't say the movie was good, exactly, but i dunno. it actually scared me in parts.

and lastly. i've had alot of time to think. and really, nothing has changed. so i've basically resorted to living for the tiny moments that make me smile so big, and writing alot of songs. and i can't wait for the holidays. it all starts now.

until soon,

xx

{emma}

Tell me when you hear my heart stop.

well, tomorrow is my birthday. i'm excited, but i'm not sure if i want to grow older. time goes too fast already, you know? and i've been purposely neglecting my blog because, well. just a small event, not even an event really. a bit of someone else's event, that has sort of torn me. i feel pathetic that something is hurting me like it is. it shouldnt, i get that. but...it does. and i hate that i care this much. and i also am aware that if i let myself, i would be throwing everything in my brain right onto the pages of this blog every day trying to get it out of my head. so hence, the neglection. its just like everyday is a reminder, i can't even get away. and my brain wont let it go. i wont let it go. but then something happens, and all the sudden theres this tiny, tiny flicker of hope in my head. so i apologize. and yes, i feel incredibly lame. so i need no reminders, thanks.

on a different note, today is my mum's birthday. i think it's incredibly cool that i was born a day after her.

also, i have found new music! well, ok. not really new, exactly. just rediscovered awesome music ;) so if you have time to spare, look up the cranberries and the pixies. best song for the cranberries is zombie, and where is my mind is totally awesome from the pixies. also, i have rediscovered the white stripes, which always makes me happy. i've basically grown up with them, sometimes unconciously, but i absolutely adore them. definitely on the list of concerts i have to see in my lifetime.

anyway, i'm sorry for the smallness, the melacholiness. i'll be better next time, promise. sometimes you just need a bit of time to wake.

xx

{emma}

This is not your fault, but if i'm without you i will feel so small.

well, back to life. went to homecoming this weekend, it was pretty fun actually :) had some good bonding over really hot weather and makeup applying. and the music...well, definitely the opposite of what i listen to, but the bass...you could feel it in your skull. strangely, something i love. i'm still not quite sure why.

then, something made my day. and then...it was unmade today. so now, i'm not sure what to think. and i really do apologize for the melancholyness; i know it must be irritating. but i just feel so...small.

xx

{emma}

next time, hopefully i will feel bigger.

Speechless.

well, yesterday pretty much was the best day of my year. i cant even explain. well...i can. it was just unbelievably awesome.
started out by skipping half of school; also right before we left my day was already made. ;) me and two of my best friends tori and siobhan got ready and drove there, took way too many pictures on the way, and when we got there spent too long in the wrong line. in the front of the building there was a guy standing with a sign saying 'you'll burn in hell', he yelled at us when we walked by. apparently we're going to burn in hell for going to a concert. right back atcha, idiot. in the line there were people from a record company stationed next to it looking for people with 'musical talent'. my friends made me sign up, apparently you audition for a record deal. anyway it asked for my name and phone number so i put it down, then the lady was like 'oh we need your area code', so i wrote down my zip code. and then she was like "uh no, we need your area code'. i just stared at her. then siobhan whispered 'your area code, like the beginning of your number'. ahhh. i was so confused. and i havent felt that stupid in a while. anyway so once we got in we went and got our seats, which, ok. were amazing, they were so close to the stage. then we went and got really crappy food and ate, then we hung out till it started.
first band was called kadawatha. i didnt even know other bands besides tegan and sara and paramore were playing. you have no idea how sweet it was that the two others did. anyway, they were from sweden, the singer had this really cool voice, he had huge range. anyway, they were amazing. and i am planning to buy one of their cds sometime soon. they did this one thing where at the end of the song they all dropped down, dead. anyway, that in itself was amazing.
the next band was new found glory. aand they were awesome too. they were really good, although after a while the songs started to sound sort of the same. but it was ok cause it all sounded good anways. they were really involved too, like they actually had the whole crowd do the wave, which was freakin amazing. definitely a highlight. then the singer got off stage and started walking around in the crowd, which was pretty sweet. i dont know, i think i could see a whole concert of them, they were really good live.

then, it was tegan and sara. and i literally almost cried when they came out onstage and started playing. and it also just happened to be one of the best songs out there. literally. it's ironic because i kept telling tori during each song 'this is like one of my favorite songs right here', and then after a while i realized that probably half of my favorite songs are tegan and sara songs. i cant even tell you how happy i was right then. really, just the whole time they were playing. and i adore them. really, really, i do. i've always adored their music, obviously, because its unbelievable, but 1. theyre also just as good, if not better live, and 2. theyre also really funny. there was one point where tegan forgot the lyrics to a song and she was just like 'hmm, i cant remember the lyrics, sara can you remember them? this is what happens when you get old, you start forgetting everything. we're now cougars, by the way. i know you all know the lyrics, too, i would have you get up onstage and sing them for me...but unfortunately...thats not really gonna happen.' anyway, they blew my mind. and you know what i realized? every single one of their songs is, basically. brilliant.



so then during the break we tried to go get stuff signed by new found glory, but we went through the wrong door and it led to some underground thing, it totally looked like a really nice underground club, and the only doors we found leading anywhere were leading to what looked like backstage. i wish we had been brave enough to figure out if it was. so anyway by the time we found new found glory the line was a million miles long and there was no way we were going to make it. this one security guy came up to us and said 'youre never going to make it, you might as well just give up and go back to your seats, paramores going to be long gone by the time you get anywhere close to new found glory.' he kind of pissed me off. ironically, we took his advice.

and then, what everyone was waiting for.
PARAMORE. i pretty much cried.

i cant even begin to describe to you how freakin amazing they were. i never thought i'd be able to say a concert could top paul mccartney, but...i'm thinking they were probably tied. and let me just say, that means ALOT. cause paul mccartney was quite possibly one of the best shows probably ever put on...ever. and in my eyes...so was this one. they were just as good, if not better, than their records. actually, no, they were better. they were FLIPPIN AWESOME. ha, and no, i dont usually say flippin, but im sorta thinking the alternative would be frowned upon by readers. and hey, what if someday i get famous? i have to set a good example for the young ones who will look up to me ;) heh. right. anyway. hayley was amazing. her voice was pretty much the most amazing voice i've ever heard. she has a serious set of lungs on her, and it was like you could feel what she was feeling when she wrote the song because of how she sang it. it was gorgeous. and also, of course, her hair. is. so. amazing. and so, i have added it to the list of things i plan to do with my hair. along with shaving it off, then letting it grow back short but with emo bangs, dying it black for a day just to see what it would look like, and dark purple streaks. not all at once. just sometime in my lifetime. anyway, she is just so freakin cool. one thing she said just stuck in my mind: "you belong to us, and now we, belong to you." to me, that is just one of those perfectly placed things to say that just automatically gave everyone chills.

every song they did was incredible. they also dragged out a couch onto the stage and did an acoustic set, which was amazing. they are just unreal. one of the songs she did her classic 'everyone get out those cell phones and lighters', so i did. i had bought a lighter especially for it. seriously, there were barely any there too, everyone just used cell phones. lighters are so much coooler though, in my opinion. theyre original, sort of old school. it was awesome. even though i burnt myself with it...it was worth it. the encore was Brick By Boring Brick and Misery Business, which blew my mind. the bass player did a flip off the back of one of the guitar players too,which was pretty sweet. misery business was the last. it was pretty much unbelievable. they blew bajillions of little pieces of confetti out to general admission, after we snuck down and stole some. :) but yes. they were incredible. i think i've pretty much used up all extremely positive adjectives to describe them, too, so i'm going to stop now. and also, this is probably the longest post ever. but i had to be thorough. anyway, got back at 2 am, went to bed, and we pretty much woke up and were like, whoa. that was amazing. and so, it was definitely one of the best nights ever. ;) me and tori were talking about it today, and i honestly feel like it was just one big dream. yet...it was probably the best dream. ever.
until later. :)

xx
{emma}

ps. my computer is being a freako and it wont let me load any paramore videos at the moment, but i promise. as soon as it stops being a moron i will load them. because they were so. freakin. amazing. ;)

bye.

Not even your words can describe how i feel.

so guess what? do you know what day tomorrow is? probably not, but. let me just say. it has the potential to be one of the best days of my year. anyway. tomorrow is the day that me two of my best friends go see a Paramore/Tegan and Sara concert. you have no idea how phsyched i am ;) aand also, i get to miss half of school. which just makes it that much...awesomer.

but for today...well today was not the best day ever, in my head, and i usually like thursdays. there was just something/{one} missing. and i realize thats sort of sad. but i can't really help it, even if i tried.

anyway, i will write more tomorrow or the next day...

xx

{emma}

The face in the mirror doesn't even understand.

and also for a real post. i'm not sure what's happening in my life is exactly interesting. yet certain things i cant seem to get out of my head. elaboration coming, soon.

xx

{emma}

Just something worth fighting for.

ok. so. can i just say, yes. i am a dork. i can be obsessive. i can spend way too much time thinking about something thats on my mind. and yes. i'm kinda into harry potter. so, this is something that is going to be a flippin epic item of my year. so obviously, i just have to post the trailer. even if it may not make you happy like it does me. :)

Time to pretend.

hate being sick...with a passion. been trying to blog for a couple days now, but just end up staring at a blank page for minutes, mind wandering to...somewhere else. bet you can tell my life is really interesting, right? :) anyway, being sick, i am also forced to be semi anti social...i've been spending alot of time with my guitar and my bed lately. it just feels like: its memorial weekend, i should be doing something...memorable. i will tomorrow for sure, already planned. but until then, i will just pretend.

xx

{emma}