I'll be holding all the tickets, and you'll be holding all the fines.

It seems like so long since I have last written here, it feels almost a little new. I'm not entirely sure what it is that I have to say, so I will just start writing. Because it's something I'm good at.
These past few weeks have been mesmerizing, dotted with a few hours of spice here and there. A few weekends ago it was a party of sorts, which was dark and warm and smokey and yummy-smelling and laughing until my cheeks hurt and soft and late out and adventurous, so adventurous. A bit, at least. For me. I was so tired the next day, but it was so worth it, trust me. Next was last weekend, which was stumbling around town for hours, hiding and soft whispers between trees and muffled laughing and running, and, well, a bit of something very enjoyable. The next day was a party. I got all dressed up in a wine colored lace dress and pretty heels; felt so grown up. We spent the night dancing to strange music and engulfed in deep conversations. It felt freeing.
Then yesterday was Thanksgiving. Which was so very yummy. I love the holiday mainly for the food and the pie and the warmth, and the sound of the rain pelting the windows with the woodstove radiating heat and being surrounded by family. And I actually successfully made an apple pie, which, trust me, is quite a feat for me. Perhaps my cooking skills have finally decided to show themselves. Fingers crossed.

I feel like something big is going to happen, a monumental, significant, cosmically vast event; maybe it will turn my world upside down. I don't know why, exactly, it is that I feel this, but perhaps it is because my life has been pereptually stagnant of late. Perhaps it's time for a bit of a spark.

xx
{emma}

Make me a liar, yeah, one big disaster.

All the stars above our heads, faster they came faster they went.

I dreamt so vivid last night; never before has the wave of realization that dreams are figments of the imagination washed over me as such relief. I woke up nearly crying. But today, just seeing his face made it all that much more impossible and faraway seeming. It was okay again.
Otherwise, today was an average day, i suppose. Not much out of the ordinary, except for the switch of the hour, which allowed me to sleep in for what seemed like only a few deliciously warm minutes, but still. At least the sun was up before me.
Savor that precious hour while it lasts, loves.

xx
{emma}

Fright night.

I wish i could be out in the dark tonight, running among the spirits along the streets with everyone as someone else. Unfortunately I can't due to the mountain of homework I have. Ah well, it just makes me sad; the first time I have not dressed up for Halloween before. But I do have my own stash of sugar, so I suppose I can sit and do homework and watch scary movies and eat sweets in the warmth, not so bad.

To those of you going out tonight, enjoy the ghosts and goblins, and whatever else you might encounter.

Much love,
xx
{emma}

I'm a renegade, it's in my blood.

I find it strange that, despite the fact that it has only been a matter of weeks since i have last written, it seems like a world has happened.

To begin with, my birthday was fantastic. The actual day was spent doing much of nothing; i walked downtown and bought a few cherry red bandanas which i sewed into a shirt. A polaroid camera made it into my arms as well, which i am so happy about. I can't wait to get film and try it out. That night consisted of cake and candle flames, and beautiful presents and listening to Bon Iver, which just made the night that much more gorgeous.
The next day my family and i went to the city. I always love going there; get all dressed up in pretty clothes and be whoever you imagine yourself as. I wore heels, which, despite the steep hills made me feel tall and more grown-up than usual. One of those days where you come home late when all the neighbors are asleep, crawl into bed softly and are lulled to dreaming by the knowledge that the day was well-spent.

Then the weekend before was the homecoming dance at my high school. We got all dressed up to go, a big group of us. When we got there, none of us were so thrilled to go and so spontaneously, we decided to go to the beach instead, all ten of us. It was amazing. We drove to the coast and it was warm, perfect when we got there. It was dark out and only a few tiny crystal stars sparkled through the fog. When we walked out on the sand, out towards the water, our footsteps lit up. The bioluminescence was still there, tiny remnants of it. It was so beautiful, like walking on stars. Infinite. We danced in the dark with the sand lighting up beneath our soles and the sound of the waves breaking in the background like the crazy kids that we are. Sometimes, I love being a teenager.

Other little things have happened since then, small, insignificant type things yet still significant to me, but i won't bore you with them. I am tired, so tired, but through it all i love this life i have, and that's all that matters really, in the end.

xx
{emma}

Wild thing.

My sweet sixteen is finally here...wait till 11:08 and i'll be the golden age.

xx

{emma}

The roof's on fire, let's burn down the Vatican.

Yesterday was perfect. Run-ins with wasps, terrifying but made my sides and my mouth hurt from laughing so hard. Then a quick decision..a weight off my shoulders.

Once school was out, two of my best friends in the universe trekked to the movie theatre downtown where we sat in the shade and had interesting and needed conversations, staring at our reflections and whispering strangely whenever anyone passed by. The rest of the night and today consisted of more of the same talk, laying around and watching movies and laughing until my cheeks ached. I adore nights like that. And i love my friends more than anything.

Homecoming is coming up in a few weeks, so we will be getting dresses and such soon. I suppose i'm excited; it'll be fun because of who i'm with. Also my birthday is coming up. Sweet sixteen, so hard to believe. When i was little it was always the age i pretended to be in games; the golden age. I'm not one for parties, not in the least, but i feel that if i am going to do anything, sweet sixteen is the time for living. But i'm not sure, I will keep you posted.
Until next time,

xx
{emma}

Do you want to be a band of theives, just you and me?

Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun, when you get close i feel like coming undone.

Today has been, for a Wednesday, amazing. It did not start off that way, but as it progressed it got continually better. School like usual, seconds that felt like minutes that felt like hours, so much time spent with my iris' glued to the clock. Science was long, so long, but then wood {don't laugh} was actually pretty enjoyable; our teacher lost track of our project so me and my best friend were able to pass the time with needed conversation. History was better than usual, we got to work on our lily pad analogy poster for the American Revolution the entire hour and a half. I got to draw a french frog...with a beret. It was fantastic.

Once math was through two of my best friends and i walked over to a community garden in town and worked for a few hours. It was one of the most beautiful things i have done in a long while. We got to thin out tiny, infant carrot sprouts so they could grow bigger once the rains come. I got to talk to people i know of, but don't personally know, and just sitting there with my hands caked in the warm dirt and the wind whistling and weaving through us, it was so quiet. In my mind at least, it was like a meditative state. I am going to try to go as much as i can.

Also i was thinking. It's so strange how one compliment, just a single one, can add color to a day. Yesterday a kind person told me that i should be a model for Aerie, and that i looked like a mermaid or a faerie. And while i don't necessarily agree with this, i loved it because it was a terribly sweet thing to say. I think i will try to compliement people more often; it's beautiful how it can add light to a grey day.

Otherwise, my mind has been focused on averagely plain things; homework, school, sleep. Not much to talk about. Thank goodness for music.
Later loves.

xx
{emma}