I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean; something you could point to and know what it is. I think that's why she always struggled with God and I think that's why she also struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold onto it and make sure it never changed, but sometimes it's those things you can't touch that you need to hold onto the most.
The cold is back. I suppose it's time, but I was so happy bathing in the sun and warm the past few weeks. I suppose I will just have to wait until summer.
Last weekend was my dad's birthday. We all spent the day lazing around with the windows open and the breeze floating through the air, picking up our scents and twirling around our hair. I also went to the nursery and snapped pictures of pretty flowers and neon petals. I picked up a bright gold and chestnut streaked pansy called Tiger Eyes. It lights up my room, makes me happy. I also managed to successfully make a lemon cheesecake, which was amazing, if I can say.
The next day I spent a few hours wandering the town in the cold with one of my favorite people in the universe. The best way to spend a Sunday.
And today, I had my last driving class. According to my driving instructor, I should have no trouble passing the test. Fingers crossed.
Otherwise, I have been having the strangest, most vivid dreams, so nostalgic. I feel as if I do not sleep, they are so real. And the dream last night...passionate scandal while waiting for the world to burn outside our door. I woke up this morning with that carrying through my day, and I am not sure why.
Enjoy the cold, and the clouds. They are so pretty and vast, cool and grey. And Happy Leap Year <3
xx
{emma}
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