I get shy in these lights, I feel my pulse working overtime.

I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean; something you could point to and know what it is. I think that's why she always struggled with God and I think that's why she also struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold onto it and make sure it never changed, but sometimes it's those things you can't touch that you need to hold onto the most.

The cold is back. I suppose it's time, but I was so happy bathing in the sun and warm the past few weeks. I suppose I will just have to wait until summer.

Last weekend was my dad's birthday. We all spent the day lazing around with the windows open and the breeze floating through the air, picking up our scents and twirling around our hair. I also went to the nursery and snapped pictures of pretty flowers and neon petals. I picked up a bright gold and chestnut streaked pansy called Tiger Eyes. It lights up my room, makes me happy. I also managed to successfully make a lemon cheesecake, which was amazing, if I can say.
The next day I spent a few hours wandering the town in the cold with one of my favorite people in the universe. The best way to spend a Sunday.

And today, I had my last driving class. According to my driving instructor, I should have no trouble passing the test. Fingers crossed.
Otherwise, I have been having the strangest, most vivid dreams, so nostalgic. I feel as if I do not sleep, they are so real. And the dream last night...passionate scandal while waiting for the world to burn outside our door. I woke up this morning with that carrying through my day, and I am not sure why.

Enjoy the cold, and the clouds. They are so pretty and vast, cool and grey. And Happy Leap Year <3

xx
{emma}

Eye of the storm.

My heart is beating, hoping that kiss won't become a scar.

It is the last day of my break. The last day of momentary freedom, ebbing away so quickly and fleeting. It has been well spent, although far too short. I spent a day with my favorite boy, eating amazing food, playing music, attempting to give singing lessons, wandering parking lots at night, going ice cream window shopping, falling asleep, and feeling so sophisticated, intoxicated. It was a beautiful night.
I also passed a day spent with two of my closest friends, sending me back to eighth grade and how close we were. I miss them and how well we fit; it makes me feel a bit melancholic that we have fallen away a bit over time, but I still feel like we hold the power to revive it.
My mum and I spent several days wandered pretty clothing stores, picking up some beautiful things along the way. I broke my frugality pledge to myself, but it never seems to last long anyway. I collected a knotted, beachy pullover, tortoiseshell wayfarers, a bag of fringe, and a lacey corset. I cannot wait for summer; all the pretty clothes make me ache for it.
And today I am watching geek worthy space movies, doing Spanish homework, sitting warm and rosey by the fire, trying to savor the sweet of home and carefree.

Happy belated Valentines, by the way; I hope yours was as perfect as mine.

xx
{emma}

I bleed glitter.

How has it been so very long since I have written on here? This private diary, yet so public if one knows where to look.

My life, to be entirely honest, has been like a roller coaster in the past few weeks, for no real reason. At least, not an obvious one. I have just felt so delicate, fragile; like a spider web or lace, or glass. Like I can so easily be shattered. I am not even sure what is bothering me, all I know is that I am bothered, and not sure how to escape my own mind. I think something is shifting in my perspective. I feel young, small, different, confined. Hopefully I will sort it all out soon, and my thoughts will come without worry or anguish.

The rain came last night, hammering gently on the roof. I fell asleep to the sound of rainy footsteps, lulling my eyes softly shut. Out my open window I could smell it; I love that smell, like an ache, or a quiet, secret laugh or something exhilarating, exulting. It makes me want to close my eyes and fall asleep with the scent dancing around my face and the patter wandering through my ears.
In other news, I found a few beautiful items of clothing recently, which made me quite happy. A slip of rainbow pastel sequins, and a lipstick pink romper with flowers that makes me ache for summer. The romper I have been wearing around the house with slouchy sweaters and tall socks, just because I cannot wait to put it on. But the other one...I just need a fantastic party to dress up for. And I got Keds!

I will be better next time, hopefully, more put together and less bittersweet, I promise.
Enjoy the rainstorms and the cool.

xx
{emma}